Lights Out
by Griselda Banks
Summary: Oneshot. "I will remember how you scream." Episode 25 spoilers, no pairings.


**Author's Note: I wasn't planning on writing anything like this, but then I watched Episode 25 again, and knew I had to write _something_ to get out my feelings on it. This is basically just Light's thoughts during that episode, in the scenes leading up to L's death. Never expected to write in Light's perspective, but now I think I can do anything. The gorgeous cover art can be found at: moni158 dot deviantart dot com / art / Judas-256337727  
**

_After the lights go out on you  
After your worthless life is through  
I will remember how you scream  
I can't afford to care  
I can't afford to care_

_- "Lights Out" by Breaking Benjamin_

You are such a fool. For all your cunning, for all your overbloated reputation of genius...you are nothing. Oh, you can deduce all you want; you are _exceptional_ at deductive reasoning. Slightly better than myself, I might admit. But in the end, you can only deduce yourself in circles, and for that reason you will fail.

Ryuzaki...no, L. O great detective L, what will you do with the evidence I have spoon-fed you all this time? Slurp it up, like the unhealthy sweets you stuff your face with – like a child with no mommy to scold you and slap your hand for reaching into the cookie jar. Your wide, round eyes are so gullible and defenseless. Vulnerable. Weak. Did you think I wouldn't exploit that weakness? Did you think I would be content to remain forever playing this two-faced subterfuge? You complacent fool, have you forgotten that I am your enemy?

I know you suspected me from the moment I joined the investigation team. But I also know that I have covered my tracks so well that even you, who are supposed to be the greatest mind of our time, could glean no concrete proof. Even now, when you hold a Death Note in your possession, you refuse to use it to eliminate your greatest threat. Your ideals are ragged and hypocritical, L. One moment you flippantly decide to toy with a criminal's life, as I would, and the next you refuse to eliminate me just in case.

No, with you it must always be cold, hard, measurable facts – things that can be translated into statistics and probability equations. You know nothing of the human heart; you are ignorant of how to play on people's emotions and craft a perfect mask, and that is why you will fail.

You have been a more worthy opponent than any other, L. But in the end, there is no way you can win. I have set my pieces perfectly, and any move you make now will only lead to checkmate.

* * *

I wonder sometimes – when I forget the power of your mind – whether you are mentally retarded. The way you act is repulsive. Slouching around, eating constantly, no expression, and all your odd mannerisms... It's as though you're seeking attention by acting strangely. I suppose you can get away with it, because the only one who has to put up with you most of the time is Watari, but...it is obvious you do not belong in this world. What hole did you crawl out of, you wretched creature? People talk of faces that "only a mother could love," but I can't help thinking as I look at yours that even your mother must have shuddered when she first saw you.

It's annoying how you wander about and speak of random, vague things that make no sense when your death rushes so fast on your heels. Do you really have time to muse about nonexistent church bells, L? You are a fool for wasting my time and yours, and I don't know why I bothered to come find you. Maybe because I want to watch the confusion and fear in your eyes as you draw your last breath. So I don't want to waste any minute of your sad, shortened life in meaningless babble. We both lead isolated lives, cut off from any real relationships, and you know this, so why bring it up?

"From the moment you were born, has there ever been a moment when you've actually told the truth?"

Now as I stare into your black, limitless eyes, I realize they are not quite as gullible as I thought. Those are eyes that pierce through and see the truth. The truth that I am a lie. Why do you do nothing? If you know who I am, why don't you pull out a gun or calmly write my name down in the Death Note you stare at for hours?

I shudder inwardly at those eyes now. I have never seen the faintest glimmer of emotion there, and this didn't bother me until now. Do you even feel emotion? Are you triumphant that you can see my duplicity? Or do you simply not care? And I wonder what you meant about us being similar. That we both live a lie. What is your lie, Ryuzaki? Is it that you are only a monster pretending to be human? Is there really anything behind those deep dark eyes?

And then you deface yourself, without retaining a single shred of dignity, as if you were a servant and I a king. At least have the decency to keep a healthy sense of self-respect, L. But no, I forgot. You have no self-respect. You dry my feet as though you were nothing but the scum between my toes, and though you are, it makes me restless because you don't seem worth the time and trouble I've gone through to clear you from my path.

I wish you would stop, Ryuzaki. You're dripping all over me. As if you're crying, which makes no sense because you are the one who will die.

* * *

_And as Light Yagami bent over the dying form of his rival, he never thought of what must have been going through L's mind. He never stopped to consider the lonely existence of a genius, never connected all that L had ever said, never realized that L knew, deep down, what would happen that day. For the first time, Light Yagami was close enough to see the pupils in L's dark eyes, but all he cared for was how they glazed over and slowly closed. He never saw the deep sadness in them, nor realized that L was not sad for his own sake._


End file.
